I Proposed to My Girlfriend, Now She Wants to Be a Stay-at-Home Fiancée – Am I Marrying a Gold Digger?

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A young couple discovered they had vastly different paychecks while working at the same company before getting engaged. After the engagement, the young woman wanted to quit her job, leading social media users to believe she was a gold-digger, but her fiancé says that’s not the case.

Reaching out to the AITAH subreddit, a 30-year-old engaged man wanted advice on a difficult situation he was facing and feeling bad about. He explained that he, a researcher in a big tech firm, met his fiancée two and half years ago at their joint workplace during an event.

The original poster (OP) was utterly smitten by the 26-year-old, and he asked her out. Their relationship has been excellent so far, and what he loves about the woman who works in marketing is that she’s very organized. The woman’s job involved her working on marketing events and planning, and she iss good at it, making him proud of her.

A happy couple embracing while touching noses | Source: Getty Images

However, her work sometimes required her to work long hours, while his office desk job hours were more predictable, and he generally didn’t work late. His fiancée complained often about how easy he had it while she had to drive around to get things done.

OP also revealed that he’s neurodivergent (ADD) and struggles with simple things, which is one of the reasons he loves her because she assists him with anything that requires organization. He described her as patient and making his life better in many ways.

A hardworking woman on the phone while writing something down in her office | Source: Pexels

OP’s partner moved in with him at one point, and that was the first time they discussed finances. Circumstances led to him having a good compensation package, and while she knew he was financially stable, she was shocked when she learned how much he made.

He was surprised when he discovered he makes 15 times more than her! OP offered to pay for everything related to staying together and said she could focus on saving to pay her student debt, which she’d paused at the time.

A couple looking shocked while looking at a laptop | Source: Pexels

The Reddit user owns their apartment, but his fiancée, who, at the time, was his girlfriend, still wanted to contribute something, so they split their expenses proportionately to what each person earned. The arrangement worked well for OP’s partner as she is a self-sufficient and independent woman.

A month before his Reddit post, OP got engaged to his girlfriend. Although she’s never asked him for anything expensive, she requested a diamond engagement ring costing almost $15,000. OP found it uncomfortable spending that much, but she convinced him it was worth it because she’d wear it for the rest of her life. He added that whenever she showed the ring to anyone, she often attempted to mention the cost of the ring in the conversation.

A man proposing to his girlfriend on bended knee | Source: Pexels

That made OP quite uncomfortable, and he told her many times to stop, but she still did it. The day before he put up his post, OP’s fiancée asked him to sit next to her on the couch to discuss something important.

She informed him of her plan to quit her job the following month after giving her 15-day notice. Shocked, he asked what was wrong, and she told him she wished to plan their wedding, which would take a lot of time. Since they would be getting married in the summer, she wanted to organize their bookings as soon as possible.

A frustrated woman running her hands through her hair while looking at a laptop | Source: Pexels

When asked why she needed to quit her job for that, the woman revealed she was tired of working long hours and wished to be a stay-at-home fiancée. He laughed, told her that wasn’t a thing, and mentioned the money she still owed for her student loans.

OP’s fiancée argued that she made less than what he did in a month, and they were a team now, so she wasn’t worried about the student loans. He questioned her plans after their wedding, and she mentioned that she hadn’t planned that far.

A couple having a disagreement from across the kitchen table | Source: Pexels

OP offered that she take a break but explained he was uncomfortable with her abandoning her career at such a young age, especially since they weren’t planning to have children for a while. He wanted her to remain independent even after they married in case something terrible happened to him.

A huge argument ensued, with her feeling he was mean for wanting her to continue working after marriage when they could afford her to stay home. OP honestly revealed that losing his fiancée’s salary wouldn’t affect their finances, but the whole thing rubbed him the wrong way.

He wanted to know from Reddit users if being a stay-at-home-fiancée was real. OP also explained that he wished to support his future wife and give her a comfortable life but strongly felt she was quitting her career a little too early for her age.

After getting various responses from Reddit users, including some who believed OP’s fiancée was a gold-digger.

One wrote, “Did someone say gold digger? She’s going to milk you for everything you’ve got. You’re going to pay her student loans. She’s ‘showing off’ her expensive ring; next, it will be the expensive car she needs to drive and then a bigger apartment or house. She wants the lavish lifestyle you can provide without doing anything to contribute to that lifestyle. You 2 are financially incompatible.”

OP returned with an update a few days later. He shared that after gathering his thoughts, he conversed with her to understand why she wanted to quit her job. Over a nice ordered dinner, he brought the subject up again and tried to be supportive this time when he asked questions.

After being defensive, OP’s partner said she felt her work didn’t make a difference because she barely earned enough to contribute to their relationship. He explained that it wasn’t just about the money but about her talent and work in her field.

OP also noted how hard she’d worked to get to her position in a large organization. He also mentioned that they didn’t have enough savings for her to be well cared for if something happened to him. The Redditor also shared his fears of being a target of layoffs because of his hefty salary. He felt he got his point across.

She agreed with most of what he said and confessed to feeling overwhelmed with all that had to be done before their wedding day. OP’s fiancée mentioned how bad he is at organizing tasks and how she’ll have to handle things independently.

The woman complained about feeling burnt out at work and barely had energy at the end of the week. She felt like a work-mule without the pay to show for it, and that’s why she wanted to avoid the work stress by being able to plan for her wedding from a “happy place.”

“Yeah ring was a huge red flag.”
OP’s partner promised to look for work after their wedding and honeymoon. However, she wanted a different role than the one she had, one with more predictable hours. She even discussed returning to school to get her Masters and insisted she didn’t want to be a trophy wife.

The couple concluded with OP saying he thought her compromise was fair, and she planned on resigning that week. OP said he understood why people called her a gold-digger and understood where they came from since he grew up poor and tried not to show off to his family because not everyone has what he has.

He felt his fiancée had fallen into “that version of me,” but believed if he trusted her enough to marry her, he also had to trust his perceptions of her.

He acknowledged the engagement ring and her excitement to show it around but felt most of his colleagues’ spouses also had more admirable rings.

Once again, Reddit users weighed in, with one saying, “Yeah ring was a huge red flag. It seems like as soon as she heard what he makes her eyes lit up with $ signs. Now she wants the lavish lifestyle and doesn’t seem interested in op’s opinions. Don’t let her quit.”

“Get a pre-nup, because, shocker, she will not go back to work after the wedding,” added another reader. “She’s never going back to work lol,” believed someone else.

“Her plan is to literally quit her job and let OP pay for everything, including her independent debts… so she can focus all of her attention on planning every intricate detail of a wedding that she will be contributing nothing at all to? What is her plan beyond that ONE DAY? To just, basically… exist?” a Reddit user questioned.

Replying to OP’s update and mention of his parents insisting he marry his fiancée in 2024, someone said, “You lost any credibility when you said that your parents are insisting on you getting married this year. I can’t take you seriously as a successful adult if mummy and daddy are still telling you what to do.”

“Hire a wedding planner. Who quits their job to plan a wedding? OP, she doesn’t want to work anymore and is setting you up for a world of hurt. Get a prenup and make sure YOU use birth control,” suggested another reader.

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