When Texts from Your Wife Are Too Close to Home

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My wife and I were lounging on the couch, watching TV, when I heard the unmistakable sound of my phone buzzing. I glanced around and realized I’d left it in the kitchen. With a sigh, I got up, dragging myself off the couch like it was the most strenuous thing in the world, and trudged to the kitchen to check the text.

When I unlocked my phone, I couldn’t help but laugh. The message was from my wife, who was sitting just a few feet away on the same couch. It read: “Please bring the chips on your way back.” Of all things! She couldn’t just ask me while I was right there? Instead, she had to send me a text like we were miles apart.

Shaking my head, I grabbed the chips from the pantry and returned to the living room, feeling a little bamboozled but willing to comply. I handed her the chips with a mock bow, and she flashed me a sweet smile and said, “Thanks, you’re the best!” It was a small gesture, but I was starting to feel like I’d been played.

I plopped back onto the couch, thinking I was finally off the hook. But then, my phone buzzed again. Another text from my wife: “Also, can you grab the remote? It’s on the coffee table.” I sighed dramatically and shook my head. Looks like I was stuck in the world’s easiest hostage situation—held captive by my own couch and a series of well-timed texts.

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