My mother-in-law was a lovely woman to be around on our shared property until she adopted a very weird habit that I disliked immensely. It bothered me so much that I decided to put my foot down and address it once and for all!
I am one of those lucky women who has a mother-in-law who is a delight to be around. But lately, she’s adopted a strange behavior that I don’t quite like. What she does is something I worry will filter down to my young and impressionable child. But after talking to my husband about it, I came up with a cunning plan.
A woman thinking of a plan | Source: Pexels
It’s been three weeks since my mother-in-law (MIL), Helen, started acting strangely, and I’m at my wit’s end. Chris, my husband, and I share a property with her. She lives in a small house across the yard from our bigger one, where we live with our nine-month-old daughter, Lily.
Now, don’t get me wrong, Helen’s a great grandma and MIL, she really is. She’s always helping out with Lily and it’s nice to have help every now and again, but sometimes she’s here more than I’d like.
A grandmother with her grandchild | Source: Pexels
The thing is when we first moved in together, my husband and I had to lay down some ground rules over Helen’s unexpected visits. She used to have this habit of showing up whenever she liked. My MIL would be at our house for a least five days a week!
After talking to her, she stopped pitching uninvited, but she’s still a regular at our place. Chris loves having his mother around, and I’ve kind of had to accept it. But lately, I’ve noticed something even weirder she’s started doing.
A happy man posing with his mother | Source: Midjourney
The issue I had with her unexpected visits is nothing compared to the new problem we are facing. One evening, after Helen had just left, I turned to Chris, asking to hear his thoughts. “Did you notice your mom acting weird tonight?” I asked.
Chris shrugged, flipping through the channels. “Weird how?”
I sighed, trying to put my thoughts into words. “It’s just… she was here all day, helping out like usual, but as soon as our friends came over and dinner was served, she made an excuse and left. She’s been doing that a lot lately.”
A couple talking in the living room | Source: Pexels
He gave me a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you noticed that she’s developed this super weird pattern where whenever we have any kind of group activity here, she finds an excuse to leave?” My oblivious husband shook his head, so I continued enlightening him.
“Last week, during game night, she stayed in her house until the games were over, and all our neighbors were leaving.”
“We told her about the game night with just a few people and said she could come whenever which she did. But she only arrived when the games were already stored away, and people were starting to go home.”
A couple having a serious conversation | Source: Pexels
“I never noticed, to be honest,” my husband replied, looking concerned.
“You mean to tell me that you also didn’t notice that she did the same thing when we had brunch last Sunday?”
Chris shook his head slowly as he listened intently.
“We’d given her a heads-up about the time the brunch would start, but instead, she called us right before it started and said she’d come over in a bit. But she didn’t show up until we were done eating and the table was getting cleared.” I threw up my hands in frustration.
A frustrated woman throwing her hands up | Source: Freepik
“And now this has to be the most bizarre one, she bolted right before dessert at your birthday party! It’s like she’s avoiding any group gathering with food.”
Chris leaned back, frowning. “Maybe she’s just tired? Or maybe it’s social anxiety?”
“But these are small gatherings with people she’s known forever. Why would she be anxious?”
For my husband’s 42nd birthday, we had close friends and family over, and my MIL was there to help set things up. But as soon as we started serving the cake, she excused herself, saying she needed to run an errand.
This errand took her the whole day, and she only returned when everyone was done.
Chris shook his head. “I don’t know. She’s always been a bit of a loner. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”
But I was worried. And it wasn’t just about Helen’s strange behavior. I was concerned about the example it would set for Lily. I didn’t want her growing up thinking it was okay to skip out on family time or be late for everything.
So, after stewing over it for a few weeks, frustrated while I tried to figure out how to handle the issue without causing drama, I had a lightbulb moment. I knew talking to her wouldn’t work because she’s quite sensitive, and I was worried it would make matters worse.
A few days later, I came up with an idea that was both subtle and genius, if I do say so myself. It was something that I believed could nudge Helen in the right direction without making her feel cornered. The next family dinner was approaching, and I decided to test my little plan.
I decided to play a little psychological game with my MIL. “Hey, Helen,” I said casually over the phone when I called her up days before the dinner, “we’re thinking of starting a new tradition. You know, to make our family gatherings more fun.”
“Oh? What kind of tradition?” she asked, sounding genuinely curious.
“Well,” I began, “we thought it would be fun if the last person to arrive at our dinners would have the honor of making a toast or maybe even cutting the cake. It’s just a silly little thing, but we thought it could be fun.” My idea was that the latecomer would be placed in the spotlight.
I knew that my MIL disliked being the center of attention and figured the new rule would either make her show up on time or even better, she’d arrive early to avoid the “honor.” There was a brief pause on the other end of the line.
“Oh, that sounds… interesting,” Helen replied, though she didn’t sound enthusiastic.
“It’s just for fun,” I reassured her. “No pressure or anything.”
My MIL agreed to come to the dinner under this condition, and when the evening arrived, I was anxious to see how she’d respond to the new “tradition.”
To our surprise, my plan worked like a charm, with Helen arriving right on time, not a minute later! It was clear that she was willing to do anything to avoid being the last person through the door.
“Wow, Mom,” Chris teased as he opened the door for her. “Right on time!”
“Were you that eager to avoid giving a toast?” I joked around.
Helen smiled, but there was a hint of nervousness in her eyes. “I just didn’t want to be the last one through the door.”
We all laughed. “You know,” I said as we sat down to eat, “since no one was late, I guess there’s no need for a toast tonight.” Helen visibly relaxed, and for the first time in weeks, she stayed through the entire meal. She even helped clean up afterward, something she hadn’t done in a long time!
As we were washing dishes, Chris leaned over and whispered, “I think your little plan worked.” It seemed he’d caught on to what I’d done, and we burst out in laughter!
“I think so too,” I whispered back, feeling a sense of satisfaction. “Maybe we should keep this tradition going.”
Chris grinned. “I think that’s a great idea if it’ll help her to show up on time and stay throughout. Plus, all the other guests seemed to like the new tradition.”
My husband shared how he loved that I’d managed to turn my MIL’s lateness and disappearance from gatherings into something fun and positive. He commended me for finding a solution to his mother’s strange behavior without causing a fallout between us.
I had managed to bring my MIL closer to us without getting her upset or giving away that the whole idea behind the toast or cake cutting was to shake her out of her habit.
Since that dinner, every other gathering has gone off without a hitch! Helen is always on time now, and the whole “VIP arrival” joke has become a fun part of our family dynamic. It amazed me how something so simple ended up solving such a frustrating problem.
And honestly, it’s a story I’m definitely keeping in my back pocket for future dinner parties! Helen even seems to enjoy the new tradition, though I suspect she’s still relieved every time she isn’t the one who has to make a toast!
We still haven’t told her the truth about the tradition, and I think after a few events, I’ll get Chris to confess what we did and why. I hope she’ll understand.
We never found out why she started behaving strangely in the first place. But what’s most important right now is that we’re all spending more time together as a family, and that’s what really matters!
While the MIL’s strange behavior was curbed, in the following story, a mother noticed her sister-in-law’s (SIL) eagerness to look after her niece. This was weird because the SIL was more of a party person than a mother figure. Wanting to get to the bottom of her SIL’s uncommon behavior, the niece’s mother followed them on an outing and made a shocking discovery!