When I say the beautiful words “I am alive,” I can’t help but smile. Being alive is such a gift. Taking a breath. And another. And another. Today and everyday, I am grateful to be alive.
I’m going to be very honest though- I haven’t always felt this way. I went through a very dark period of time in my life where I didn’t feel happy to be alive. I actually don’t know how I would have reacted to someone saying, “I’m so grateful to be alive”…I think I would have rolled my eyes and thought “well, you’ve never been through real shit then.” I’m actually thankful that social media wasn’t really a thing back then because I would have seen things like the ones I post today as fake or stupid or unrealistic.
I went through a number of years where I was extremely lost. And life didn’t feel happy or honestly, even worth it. Thankfully, I never truly wanted to end my life. But I did have a strong feeling everyday that I just didn’t want to live anymore. That I wanted to just *poof* disappear. It brings tears to my eyes even writing this. To remember how sad I felt. How unbelievably hard getting out of bed was. How I felt guilty when I was having a good day. How it felt wrong to laugh. As corny as it sounds, it feels like it was a different life.
I’m not sharing this for sympathy or to make anyone think I ever had a bad life by any means. I’m sharing this because my hope is that if just one person who feels this way is reading this, that they know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m reaching out to YOU. That through self-care practices that work for you, that make you smile even for a second, that alleviate the tightness in your heart, you can and WILL come out of this darkness and feel gratitude for being alive. It may take a lot of hard work and it won’t always be fun. But it is possible. And you are not alone.
For me personally, meditation, yoga & mindfulness have been game changers in my life. I can’t even describe how night and day I feel thanks to my self-care. Even when I take steps back, every tiny step forward has made a tremendous difference in my health and well being. I am GRATEFUL to be ALIVE.