I’d never been particularly good at taking care of myself or home. But when I married Leonard, everything changed. I decided to manage our household on my own. My MIL, Prudence, generously offered her advice, which made me appear even more clumsy. It turns out, there was a reason behind it…
INEXPERIENCED WIFE
I had always been the girl who didn’t know how to cook a meal or take care of a garden. I had been pampered all my life, with someone else always taking care of everything.
But after marrying Leonard, I had to learn everything on my own.
My new home seemed like a real challenge to me. The kitchen was a maze of unfamiliar tools and appliances.
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I stood there, trying to boil potatoes, nervously watching the pot and wondering if they were done yet. The steam rose, fogging my eyes, and I could feel the heat making my cheeks flush.
Just then, Prudence, my mother-in-law, glided into the kitchen.
She always seemed to float rather than walk. She was sugary, always with a smile on her face that never quite reached her eyes.
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Her home was perfect, and her relationship with her husband was impeccable.
“Melissa, dear,” she cooed, her voice dripping with honey, “I see you’re hard at work. Need a hand?”
“Oh, hi, Prudence. Yes, I’m trying to make dinner, but I’m not sure if I’m doing it right.”
“Don’t worry, darling. We all start somewhere. Let me share some of my secrets to make your life easier.”
She moved closer, inspecting my boiling pot with a critical eye.
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“First,” she began, “always add a pinch of salt to the water. It makes the potatoes cook faster and taste better.”
I nodded eagerly, grabbing the salt shaker.
“And remember, the key to a happy home is a happy husband. Keep Leonard well-fed, and you’ll be just fine.”
Her advice seemed so reasonable, so helpful. She was so convincing that I couldn’t refuse.
I focused on following her advice, not suspecting what it would lead to.
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GUIDE TO DOMESTIC DISASTERS
I wanted to show Leonard and everyone else that I could be a competent homemaker.
Prudence’s helpful advice seemed like the perfect shortcut.
With her bright smile and enthusiastic nods, how could I doubt her?
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1. Put Lemon Slices in the Dishwasher for a Fresh Scent
“Melissa, dear,” Prudence said one sunny afternoon, handing me a lemon.
“Just pop a few slices into the dishwasher. Your dishes will smell divine.”
I followed her advice, eagerly placing lemon slices into the dishwasher. To make sure it worked, I added even more slices.
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The dishwasher started making odd noises, and when I opened it, I saw that the lemon pieces had clogged the filter, and the dishwasher was damaged.
I got a costly repair bill and felt foolish but chalked it up to my inexperience.
2. Clean Windows with a Newspaper
Next, Prudence handed me a stack of old newspapers.
“Use these to clean your windows,” she instructed. “They leave no streaks.”
I took her word for it and got to work. But instead of sparkling clean windows, I ended up with smeared ink all over the glass. It was worse than before.
“Maybe I used the wrong kind of newspaper,” I muttered to myself, feeling more incompetent than ever.
3. Use Coffee to Clean Pots and Pans
“Coffee is excellent for scrubbing off tough residue,” Prudence advised one morning over coffee. “Give it a try.”
I sprinkled coffee grains on my non-stick pans and started scrubbing. To my horror, the grounds scratched the surface, ruining them completely.
When I told Prudence, she looked surprised.
“Oh, my! It always works for me. But who uses coffee beans? You should have used ground coffee.”
I felt like a foolish child who had done something wrong.
Leonard reassured me, saying he would buy new pans. He was touched by how hard I was trying to manage the household.
4. Use Sugar Spray on the Lawn
“You haven’t taken care of the garden in a while,” Prudence mentioned one day.
“Spray the lawn with sugar water. It’ll make the grass shine in the sun and grow better.”
I followed her recipe: one pound of sugar to five liters of water. I spent the whole day spraying every blade of grass.
The next morning, my garden was a gathering place for insects. Bees, wasps, hornets, and ants seemed to have taken over.
“Oh my God!” Leonard exclaimed as he stepped out onto the porch for his morning newspaper.
“What’s going on, and why is the grass so sticky? It’s impossible to walk barefoot.”
“Oh, I was just taking care of the garden, dear. Don’t worry,” I said, thinking that maybe the sugar proportion was too high.
Again, I felt like a failure. Leonard spent the day hosing down the yard to wash away my efforts.
5. Use Bleach for All Stains
“Bleach is a miracle worker,” Prudence declared confidently. “Use it on any stain.”
Trusting her yet again, I used bleach on my favorite silk dress. The fabric was ruined, the color faded and patchy.
“Dear, silk isn’t the best material for bleach,” she conceded with a shrug. “It works perfectly on everything else.”
I felt helpless. That dress was a gift from Leonard.
Would I ever learn to manage a household?
6. Use Mayo Instead of Oil for Frying
“Mayonnaise is a great substitute for oil,” Prudence said with a conspiratorial wink. “It adds a unique flavor.”
I decided to try it. The kitchen filled with smoke, and I ended up ordering takeout for dinner.
“Did you keep the heat too high?” Prudence asked when I recounted my disaster. “That’s probably why.”
Leonard was somewhat concerned that evening.
“Honey, I love you as you are. Maybe you shouldn’t stress so much about household chores. We could afford a housekeeper.”
“No, no,” I insisted. “Give me another chance, and you’ll see! I can be as good as your mother.”
7. Paint Your Walls Red to Improve Relationship
“Recently, you and Leonard have been a bit distant,” Prudence observed. “According to your horoscope, red walls will enhance your romantic relationship.”
Indeed, we had been arguing more due to my nervousness and constant fussing around the house and about my appearance. Things were falling apart, and Leonard didn’t understand what was happening with me.
Every attempt he made to get closer ended in my tears. So, perhaps a surprise makeover of the bedroom wasn’t a bad idea.
“But red? Isn’t that too much for a bedroom?” I asked Prudence.
“Oh, darling! Leonard has always dreamed of a red room since he was a child, but I thought it was too extravagant for a kid. But now—why not try it? You can always repaint it.”
I painted the bedroom red, hoping for positive changes. But the room felt hostile, not romantic. When Leonard came home from work, he was shocked.
“Melissa, why did you paint the bedroom red?”
“I thought it would be a nice surprise,” I said, biting my lip. “Prudence said it was your favorite color and would help our relationship.”
“Red? I’ve hated red since I was a kid. It always made me feel uneasy.”
I felt a pang of realization.
“Leonard, I think your mother has been… playing games with me. Every piece of advice she’s given has led to a disaster.”
“You mean… she did this on purpose?”
“Yes. And I think it’s time I turned the tables.”
Leonard squeezed my hand. “I trust you, Melissa. Do what you need to do.”
8. Shave Your Head for a Surprise
The next day, Prudence came over, looking excited.
“Look!” she said, throwing a copy of Cosmopolitan at me.
“Bald models are all the rage this season. I think you’d look amazing with a shaved head. Leonard would find it thrilling.”
“Oh yes, I’ve always liked that freedom,” I replied, trying to hide my irritation.
“I think I’ll do it. Come over for dinner tomorrow, and I’ll debut my new look.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Prudence smiled.
Instead of shaving my head, I bought a wig with short hair and a few other accessories to prepare for the dinner. I was ready to reveal the truth.
REVENGE SERVED SWEET
I decided it was time to turn the tables and teach Prudence a lesson she would never forget. Planning a family dinner, I followed her advice but with some modifications.
The dining room was beautifully set, with candles flickering softly and the table adorned with my best dishes.
As the evening began, I walked into the dining room wearing a wig that made me look almost bald. Prudence’s eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly composed herself.
“Melissa, dear, your… new look is quite something,” her voice dripped with false cheer. “Perhaps it was a bit too much?”
I smiled sweetly. “Well, it was your advice, Prudence.”
Prudence’s smile faltered.
“Advice? Oh, Melissa, you must have misunderstood. One must always have their own head on their shoulders and not follow everything blindly. I was joking; it was never appropriate to shave your head.”
Leonard looked at me, then back at his mother.
“Mom, why would you joke about something like that? It doesn’t seem very kind.”
Prudence waved her hand dismissively.
“Oh, Leonard, you love her, don’t you? You’ll just have to accept this too. But really, Melissa, it’s important to use your own judgment.”
I nodded, maintaining my composure. “I see, Prudence. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Dinner began, and as we passed the dishes around, Prudence continued to compliment the presentation.
She didn’t know that her portions were made separately, each dish prepared with a little twist based on her disastrous tips.
When she took a bite of the meat, her face quickly changed as she tasted the overly salty flavor. I watched her struggle to remain composed, but her dissatisfaction was evident.
“This… is quite… flavorful,” Prudence managed to say, forcing a smile.
“Yes, I thought a little extra salt would enhance the taste.”
As we continued eating, I noticed Prudence becoming more uncomfortable with each bite.
Then, as if on cue, she accidentally spilled red wine on herself.
“Oh dear, let me help you with that,” I said, swiftly approaching her.
I took her jacket, remembering one of her tips: “Just use bleach on any stain, and it will take care of it!”
I left the room and returned shortly, holding the jacket, now ruined by bleach. Prudence looked at me in horror.
“What have you done?!”
“I was just following your advice, Prudence,” I replied innocently. “You always know best.”
Leonard burst into laughter.
“Mom, maybe it’s time you stopped interfering in our relationship.”
Prudence nodded slightly, avoiding eye contact.
“I see,” she said softly. “Perhaps you’re right.”
At that moment, I reached up and removed the wig I had been wearing, revealing my long, beautiful hair underneath.
“Melissa, your hair…,” Prudence stammered.
“Yes, Prudence. I decided to keep it. It turns out, not all of your advice is worth following.”
Prudence stood up abruptly, clearly flustered. “I think it’s time for me to leave.”
Leonard stood as well, gently guiding her towards the door.
“Goodnight, Mom. We are always happy to see you. But next time try to be good.”
As the door closed behind her, I looked at Leonard and sighed with relief.
“I think I’ve learned my lesson.”
Leonard hugged me tightly.
“You handled that perfectly, Melissa. I’m proud of you.”
I smiled, knowing that I could handle any challenges life threw at me. Prudence’s games had backfired, and I had come out stronger. Now, I was ready to face the world, confident and independent.
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