World’s dumbest criminals tunnel out of jail, only to be caught having breakfast at IHOP

Pro-tip to would-be convicts. Prior to your incarceration, be sure to watch The Shawshank Redemption. If and when you go through the trouble of tunneling out of jail, you go to MEXICO. You don’t stop down the road for a Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity. Two Virginia knuckleheads did not watch Shawshank, and now they are back in jail.

John Michael Garza and Arley Vaughn Nemo were guests of the Newport News Jail Annex. Garza for contempt of court. Nemo for an assortment of credit card fraud. The two men, according to the local news, took advantage of a construction flaw and using only a toothbrush and a metal bar, tunneled their way out of their cell. This was 7:15 PM on March 20th.

Now, had Nemo and Garcia had a full-functioning brain between them, they would know when you escape from jail you go as far away from the jail as you can. It’s called “being on the lam.” You stay hidden. You keep a low profile. And when you at the very least cross state lines, you start a new life for yourself living in the shadows.

Nemo and Garcia decided to go to an IHOP. Six miles away.

Upon sitting down for an early breakfast, one of the IHOP employees noticed the two men in prison garb and covered in dirt. That employee said to themself, “Self, this seems unusual.”

The Newport News Sheriff’s Office was called. And at 4:20 am on March 21st, after not even a full twelve hours of freedom, Garcia and Nemo were back in jail. Because they couldn’t go one minute or one mile more without breakfast foods.

None of us here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website are familiar with Virginia penal (tee hee) code. But one could guess a prison break holds a lengthier jail sentence than both credit card fraud and a bench warrant combined.

Garcia and Nemo should have gone the full ten miles to the Waffle House. They would have blended in better.

Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn’t writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.






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