At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, \u201cNumber twelve!\u201d The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, \u201cNumber four!\u201d Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.<\/p>\n
The new guy asks his cellmate what\u2019s going on. \u201cWell,\u201d says the older prisoner, \u201cwe\u2019ve all been in this prison for so long. We all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke.\u201d<\/p>\n
So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, \u201cNumber twenty-nine!\u201d This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.<\/p>\n
When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, \u201cHow come you guys were laughing so hard this time?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, \u201cwe\u2019d never heard that one before.\u201d<\/p>\n
One night there were three female fugitives escaping from jail.
\nOne was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a redhead.<\/p>\n
They had the police hot on their trail and, quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in.<\/p>\n
When all three were inside the redhead, quickly thinking said they should all hide in old potato sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory.<\/p>\n
They all got in their little potato sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door.<\/p>\n
They looked at the sacks and said: \u2018Hmm maybe they are hiding in these.\u2019<\/p>\n
The officer kicks the red-head\u2019s sack and she makes whimpering noises. \u2018Hmm just puppies in that sack\u2019<\/p>\n
The officer kicks the brunette\u2019s sack and she makes mewing noises. \u2018Hmm just kittens in that sack\u2019 He says.<\/p>\n
He finally kicks the blonde\u2019s sack and she screams: \u2018POTATOES! POTATOES!\u2019<\/p>\n
A mom texts, \u201cHi Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?\u201d He texts back,
\n\u201cI Don\u2019t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.\u201d<\/p>\n
The mom texts him, \u201cIt\u2019s ok, don\u2019t worry about it. I\u2019ll ask your sister, love you too.\u201d<\/p>\n
The father is telling his son stories to help him sleep.
\nThe only sound is the murmur of dad\u2019s voice. Two hours pass, and there\u2019s silence in the room.<\/p>\n
The mother creeps to the door and whispers, \u201cIs he asleep, dear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Mommy,\u201d says her son.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin,\u201d the mother said. \u201cWhere is he?\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d her son replied thoughtfully, \u201cif he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he\u2019s out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he\u2019s out swimming.\u201d<\/p>\n
A dentist told a mother,
\n\u201cI\u2019m sorry madam, but I\u2019ll have to charge you a $100 for pulling your boy\u2019s tooth.\u201d<\/p>\n
The mother exclaimed, \u201cA $100! You said it was only $20!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d replied the dentist, \u201cbut he yelled so loudly that he scared four other patients out of the office!\u201d<\/p>\n
A man is bragging about his new hearing aid.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s the best I\u2019ve ever had,\u201d he says. \u201cIt cost $3,000.\u201d<\/p>\n
His friend asks, \u201cWhat kind is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
He says, \u201cHalf past four!\u201d<\/p>\n
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
\n\u201cThis,\u201d she said, \u201cI suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Madam,\u201d replied the attendant. \u201cThat one\u2019s called a mirror.\u201d<\/p>\n
A central banker walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
\nWhen the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get it.<\/p>\n
There a clerk asks him: \u201cShould I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?\u201d<\/p>\n
The central banker replies: \u201cI\u2019m feeling rather hungry right now. You\u2019d better cut it into eight pieces.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently.
\nI was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.<\/p>\n
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a minute!\u201d I said. \u201cThose aren\u2019t fat-free.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!\u201d<\/p>\n
Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
\nTom: What do you want with an elephant?<\/p>\n
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.<\/p>\n
A guy shows up late for work.
\nThe boss yells, \u201cYou should\u2019ve been here at 8.30!\u201d<\/p>\n
He replies, \u201cWhy? What happened at 8.30?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, \u201cNumber twelve!\u201d The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, \u201cNumber four!\u201d Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing. The new guy asks […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37084"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37085,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37084\/revisions\/37085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}