A man was walking in the city when he was accosted by a particularly bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.<\/p>\n
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars, and asked, \u201cIf I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I stopped drinking years ago,\u201d the bum said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you use it to gamble?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you spend the money on golf?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI haven\u2019t played golf in 20 years!\u201d<\/p>\n
The man said, \u201cInstead of giving you $2, I\u2019m going to take you to my home for a dinner cooked by my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bum was surprised. \u201cWon\u2019t your wife be angry with you for bringing me to your home? I know I\u2019m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
..<\/p>\n
.<\/p>\n
The man replied, \u201cThat\u2019s okay. I just want her to see what a man who\u2019s given up drinking, gambling, and golf looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n
LoLLLL, did you laugh? did you read this joke before?
\n==========<\/p>\n
A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.<\/p>\n
While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.<\/p>\n
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck \u2013 you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she\u2019s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.<\/p>\n
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k. lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.<\/p>\n
She arrives in front of God and asks, \u201cI thought you said I had another 30-40 years?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, \u201d Said God. \u201cI didn\u2019t recognize you.\u201d<\/p>\n
================================
\nAn extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.<\/p>\n
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.<\/p>\n
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.<\/p>\n
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms v.i.olently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.<\/p>\n
As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked: \u201cWhat the hell is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n
The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, \u201cI think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A man was walking in the city when he was accosted by a particularly bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars, and asked, \u201cIf I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?\u201d \u201cNo, I stopped drinking years ago,\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36990"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36990\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36991,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36990\/revisions\/36991"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}