A lady goes into a pet store one day.
\n\u201cI\u2019m really lonely,\u201d she says to the clerk. \u201cI need a pet to keep me company.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d replies the clerk, \u201chow about this nice parrot? He\u2019ll talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, that\u2019s great,\u201d says the lady. She buys the parrot and takes him home. The next day the lady comes back to the pet store. \u201cYou know, that parrot isn\u2019t talking to me yet,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm, let\u2019s see,\u201d says the clerk. \u201cI know! You buy this little ladder for his cage. He\u2019ll climb the ladder, and then he\u2019ll talk.\u201d So off she goes with a newly purchased ladder. The next day she comes back again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, that parrot still hasn\u2019t said a word,\u201d she says to the pet-store clerk.<\/p>\n
He thinks a minute. \u201cHow about this little mirror?\u201d he says. \u201cYou hang it at the top of the ladder. The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, and then he\u2019ll talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d she says, and buys the little mirror and goes home. But the next day that same lady is back in the shop. \u201cWell, I\u2019m getting a bit discouraged,\u201d she says. \u201cThat parrot still won\u2019t talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The clerk scratches his head. \u201cLet me think. Aha! Try this bell. You hang it over the mirror. The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, ring the bell, and then he will surely talk to you!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, I\u2019ll give it a try,\u201d says the lady. And she buys the bell and takes it home. The next day the same lady comes back to the pet shop, and she is very distressed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d asks the clerk.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy parrot \u2026 well, he died,\u201d she answers quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh my gosh! I\u2019m so sorry for your loss!\u201d exclaims the clerk. \u201cBut I have to ask you, did the parrot ever say anything to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh yes, he said one thing, right before he died,\u201d she replies.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, what did he say?\u201d asks the clerk.<\/p>\n
The lady replies, \u201cHe said, \u2018Doesn\u2019t that store carry any food?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
\nHis act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying \u201cBig deal, the cards up his sleeve.\u201d or \u201cHe put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!\u201d<\/p>\n
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.<\/p>\n
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed \u201cOkay, I give up\u2026 where the hell did you put the god damned boat!\u201d<\/p>\n
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes
\nabout the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy great grandfather, at age 13,\u201d one declared proudly, \u201cwas a drummer boy at Shiloh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMine,\u201d boasts another, \u201cwent down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m the only soldier in my family,\u201d confessed vet number three, \u201cbut if my great grandfather was living today he\u2019d be the most famous man in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cReally? What\u2019d he do?\u201d his friends wanted to know.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing much\u2026 But he would be 165 years old.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A lady goes into a pet store one day. \u201cI\u2019m really lonely,\u201d she says to the clerk. \u201cI need a pet to keep me company.\u201d \u201cWell,\u201d replies the clerk, \u201chow about this nice parrot? He\u2019ll talk to you.\u201d \u201cHey, that\u2019s great,\u201d says the lady. She buys the parrot and takes him home. The next day […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36961"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36961\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36962,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36961\/revisions\/36962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}