Lauren was great when I hired her through an agent. She was always on time, responsible, and loving, and my six-year-old daughter Amy loved her from the first day.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s something about Lauren\u2019s way with kids that you can\u2019t fake or learn from a book. She felt like she knew Amy for a long time.<\/p>\n
\u201cMay I have Lauren over every day, Mom?\u201d Amy would eagerly ask when Lauren was going to watch, her eyes wide with wonder.<\/p>\n
The room would light up with Lauren\u2019s smile, and she would bring a canvas bag full of books, art tools, and games. That she never counted on screen time to keep Amy busy was something I really liked.<\/p>\n
\u201cKids need real connection,\u201d she told me one time as she helped Amy make a castle out of old boxes. \u201cWhen they get older, the iPad will still be there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Laura\u2019s songs were one of Amy\u2019s favorite things about her. Amy would fall asleep to these soft, beautiful songs every night when I worked late.<\/p>\n
I had never heard them before. It was almost like she had made them up herself because they were so different.<\/p>\n
Amy told me over breakfast one morning, \u201cLauren\u2019s songs scare away the monsters.\u201d \u201cThey warm my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was early when I heard Lauren sing for the first time. I heard the end of her song through the crack in Amy\u2019s bedroom door. Her voice was so beautiful it made you feel like you could hear the emotions in it coming from deep inside her.<\/p>\n
I stood there for a while, not wanting to break the silence because I thought I was seeing something almost holy.<\/p>\n
I asked Amy, \u201cHow do you like Lauren?\u201d one night as I was putting her into bed. Does she treat you well when I\u2019m not there?\u201d<\/p>\n
Amy smiled. \u201cShe\u2019s great, Mom!\u201d She showed me how to measure flour while we baked cookies today. She doesn\u2019t get mad when I spill things.<\/p>\n
I smoothed her covers and said, \u201cThat sounds great.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut\u2026\u201d Amy\u2019s smile got a little shaky.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut what, honey?\u201d<\/p>\n
Amy thought for a moment and then whispered, \u201cWhen she sings, sometimes I feel weird.\u201d<\/p>\n
I made a face. \u201cHow is that weird?\u201d It makes you feel bad, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Amy quickly shook her head and said, \u201cNo, no.\u201d \u201cI feel like I know the songs already.\u201d I know them, not because she sings them every night, but because I\u2019ve heard them before. A very long time ago. I don\u2019t remember when, though.<\/p>\n
I got a chill. Something about the way Amy said it really scared me.<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps they\u2019re school or TV songs?\u201d As I spoke, I tried to keep my voice light.<\/p>\n
Amy gave a hard shake of her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d These are unique. They are not sung by anyone else. That\u2019s all. \u201cAnd\u2026 and someone else I can\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
I tried to brush it off as something a child would think up, since kids sometimes mix up dreams and real life. But something about the way her eyes looked confused stuck with me.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t sleep that night because Amy\u2019s words kept playing over and over in my head.<\/p>\n
I chose to have tea with Lauren the next day after her shift just to get to know her better.<\/p>\n
Being honest, there was nothing fishy about Lauren. She had great references, a background check, and she had been great with Amy.<\/p>\n
I was interested, though.<\/p>\n
Lauren looked surprised and happy about the invite. We sat on the back porch with hot chamomile tea and watched Amy play in the yard, which was close enough to see.<\/p>\n
I told her with a smile, \u201cAmy talks about you all the time.\u201d \u201cYou have really impressed me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lauren looked at Amy as she chased a butterfly. \u201cWhat a sweet little girl. So nice and bright.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave him a nod and then slowly told him what was on my mind. \u201cLauren, your lullabies are one of a kind and so beautiful.\u201d Did you write them by yourself? \u201cAmy seems\u2026interested in them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her face turned dark right away. After a moment of silence, she said, \u201cMy mom used to sing them to me.\u201d She played music and made up the songs herself\u2026 and then I gave them to someone else.<\/p>\n
She wasn\u2019t sure what to do and kept staring into her tea as if the solutions were there.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut that was a long time ago.\u201d She added, \u201cFeels like a different life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have your own children?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
There was a question mark over our conversation. Laura\u2019s face turned pale. She put her teacup on the table with a soft clink, her hands shaking a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026 I had a daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n
Had. I got chills when I heard that word.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat took place?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Lauren let out a shaky breath and looked past me at Amy, who was in the yard picking dandelions. \u201cI lost everything when my daughter was a year old.\u201d Their car had crashed, and they were gone. When I told my husband I was pregnant, he left me. It was just me and no one to help me. I couldn\u2019t work and take care of her by myself. I couldn\u2019t even pay for child care.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor a while, I lived in my car and took my baby with me to job interviews,\u201d she said. \u201cThat person is not someone anyone wants to hire.\u201d<\/p>\n
She said, \u201cI\u2026 I couldn\u2019t bear to watch her suffer.\u201d \u201cI chose the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever had to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
As she spoke, I could see the pain in every line of her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI let her go.\u201d Choosing to. She could not have a better future with me, so I had to do it.<\/p>\n
I was sure she could hear my heart beating so fast. There was so much going on in my mind that I could hardly breathe.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes I drive by that adoption center,\u201d Lauren said. \u201cRemember that.\u201d To help me remember why I did it. that it wasn\u2019t for me but for her. She laughed really hard. \u201cThat\u2019s awful, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
I spoke quietly, \u201cNo.\u201d \u201cNothing sad about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew I needed to ask. I had to know, even though I had a feeling I already knew.<\/p>\n
My voice was a little shaky as I said, \u201cLauren.\u201d \u201cDid you give her up at this adoption center by any chance?\u201d<\/p>\n
I showed her a picture of the agency where we had adopted Amy while my hands were shaking.<\/p>\n
It was from the day we brought her home. I was in front of the building with a small bundle in my hands that was wrapped in a yellow blanket.<\/p>\n
Laura\u2019s eyes got really big in shock. \u201cHow do you know that spot?\u201d<\/p>\n
Everything made sense at that moment.<\/p>\n
The bedtime songs. The bond right away. Amy said the songs made her feel like they were from \u201ca long, long time ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I took a deep breath in and tried to keep my voice steady.<\/p>\n
\u201cLauren\u2026 Amy told me she knows your bedtime songs.<\/p>\n
She just stared at me, her face a mix of confusion and growing awareness.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d It was a whisper, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was starting to get it.<\/p>\n
As I spoke, I could hardly believe what I was saying.<\/p>\n
\u201cAmy has a family.\u201d We took her in when she was more than a year old, which was five years ago.<\/p>\n
Lauren\u2019s face turned as white as a sheet as tears filled her eyes. She put her hands to her mouth right away.<\/p>\n
She said \u201cNo\u201d in a low voice through her fingers. \u201cNo, it\u2019s not possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said in a soft voice, \u201cHer birthday is March 15th.\u201d \u201cThe Springfield Memorial is where she was born.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even more tears came out of Lauren\u2019s eyes. \u201cHow did you understand that?\u201d Those little things weren\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the papers for adoption?\u201d I was done for her. \u201cNo, they were in her medical records that they gave us,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I got Amy\u2019s adoption papers out of the filing closet after she said something strange about the lullabies and put them in a folder next to my chair.<\/p>\n
At the time, I didn\u2019t know what I was looking for, but I felt driven to look.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can look at the records and dates.\u201d But Lauren\u2026 Amy could be your real daughter.<\/p>\n
She let out a gasp as tears ran down her face. \u201cNo, this isn\u2019t real,\u201d she said. \u201cThis is not likely to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was real, though. I didn\u2019t mean to hire Amy\u2019s real mother as her nanny, but I did.<\/p>\n
\u201cKnew that?\u201d Lauren asked quickly, her voice rough. \u201cDid you know who I was when you hired me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course not!\u201d I quickly said. \u201cHow could I? It was over with the adoption. You never knew our name, and we never knew yours. \u201cThis is just\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a coincidence?\u201d Lauren laughed so hard she cried. \u201cOr fate?\u201d<\/p>\n
We both looked out at Amy, who was blowing a dandelion and had no idea that a life-changing talk was going on just a few yards away.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow what?\u201d Lauren spoke quietly.<\/p>\n
I had no idea what to do. I wasn\u2019t ready for this. There isn\u2019t a parenting book that tells you what to do when the original mother of your adopted child ends up babysitting them.<\/p>\n
I slowly replied, \u201cI guess that depends.\u201d \u201cWhat do you need?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should know that I didn\u2019t come looking for her.\u201d I gave up that right, so I wouldn\u2019t have.<\/p>\n
I told her, \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe agency sent me here because I needed a job,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I felt\u2026 from the first time I met her.\u201d I\u2019m not sure. Something to do. I thought I was good with kids.<\/p>\n
I put my hand on hers. \u201cDo you want Amy to know the truth?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head hard and wiped her tears with her free hand. \u201cNo.\u201d She has a mom. You\u2019re her mom. You brought her up. You stuck with her.<\/p>\n
From the look in her eyes, I could tell she loved Amy deeply and was in pain.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow about you?\u201d I asked. \u201cSince you know what you know, can you keep watching her?\u201d<\/p>\n
She was quiet for a long time. \u201cCan I still be a part of her life?\u201d \u201cWhat if she never finds out who I am?\u201d<\/p>\n
I said in a soft voice, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t take that away from either of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
But on Amy\u2019s birthday a few months later, Lauren showed up with balloons, flowers, and a cake she had made herself. She said she couldn\u2019t watch that day because she had a migraine, so I was surprised when she showed up at our door.<\/p>\n
She took a big breath and smiled even though she was crying.<\/p>\n
\u201cI gave her up. She might be interested in me one day.\u201d You could tell her. I just want to be there for her right now, even if it\u2019s just to watch her kids.<\/p>\n
When I asked her to come to the party, tears came to my eyes.<\/p>\n
She said in a whisper, \u201cThank you.\u201d \u201cBeing there for her in every way I could.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told them, \u201cThank you for giving me the best gift of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s possible that this was meant to be. What was even better was that Amy was thrilled to see Lauren that day.<\/p>\n
Lauren became a quiet part of Amy\u2019s life over time. She was always there and willing to help, but she never went too far. She never told Amy the truth, but she loved her and celebrated every new step and success as if it were her own.<\/p>\n
She knew that every night when she sang Amy those special lullabies, she was giving her something that was truly hers, a thread that would connect them across time and space.<\/p>\n
That was enough.<\/p>\n
This work is based on real people and events, but it has been made up for artistic reasons. To protect privacy and make the story better, names, characters, and circumstances have been changed. Any similarity to real people, living or dead, or real events is completely accidental and not on purpose by the author.<\/p>\n
thecelebritist.com is the source.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lauren was great when I hired her through an agent. She was always on time, responsible, and loving, and my six-year-old daughter Amy loved her from the first day. There\u2019s something about Lauren\u2019s way with kids that you can\u2019t fake or learn from a book. She felt like she knew Amy for a long time. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=31248"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31249,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31248\/revisions\/31249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=31248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=31248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newzdiscover.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=31248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}