I assumed there was a plumbing problem when my mother-in-law unexpectedly moved into our house. She had another mission, it turned out. Furthermore, her strategies were more ruthless than I could have ever guessed.<\/p>\n
After a long, tiring day, I was desperate for some solitude when I got home that evening. However, I saw there was a problem as soon as I opened the door. Everywhere you looked were boxes. A beat skipped in my chest.<\/p>\n
After carefully stepping over a stack of shoes and dropping my suitcase by the door, I followed the debris trail down the hall. I noticed her at that point. In the guest room, my mother-in-law, Jane, began unpacking as if it were the most natural thing in the world.<\/p>\n
The bed was littered with clothes. Photos of her pets had already taken over the nightstand, and her flowery perfume hung in the air.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom?\u201d I spoke in a tight, artificially composed tone. \u201cWhat\u2019s happening?\u201d<\/p>\n
She nonchalantly said, \u201cOh, didn\u2019t Joe tell you?,\u201d waving a hand without even looking at me. There was a minor \u201cincident\u201d at my residence. The entire area was inundated when pipes burst. Until it is resolved, I will be here for some time.<\/p>\n
I blinked. Is it flooding? That sounded incorrect. She resided in a newly remodeled home with all the latest luxury amenities. Up until today, I hadn\u2019t heard any complaints about it.<\/p>\n
Joe came up behind me before I could even start to think. His eyes darted everywhere but at me, and he looked guilty. \u201cYes, regarding that.\u201d He shifted his weight awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck. \u201cMom will be staying with us for some time. only while the house is being fixed.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you didn\u2019t consider telling me?\u201d My look was searing as I asked.<\/p>\n
He shrugged as if it didn\u2019t matter. \u201cBaby, it\u2019s just for a little while. Mom and you get along, don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n
Get along? Sure, if he meant the passive-aggressive comments about how we hadn\u2019t given her any grandchildren after six years of marriage. Our friendship was the strongest. However, I forced a smile\u2014the kind you give when you\u2019re about to lose it. \u201cObviously. I completely get it.<\/p>\n
I got up for some water after pretending everything was alright for several hours. They were speaking in low tones as I walked by the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t reveal the true reason to her, did you?\u201d Jane\u2019s voice cut through the darkness like a knife.<\/p>\n
Joe let out a sigh. \u201cNo, mother. I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right,\u201d Jane sighed, \u201cI\u2019m here to watch. If you\u2019ve been married for this long and had no kids, someone needs to figure out what\u2019s going on. Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll take care of it.<\/p>\n
My stomach turned over. It has nothing to do with pipes. Her purpose was to pry. to put pressure on me regarding children. to \u201cmanage\u201d me. My blood was heating as I stood motionless in the corridor. I had just walked into what the devil?<\/p>\n
I had a plan when I got up the following morning. I would play my small game if Jane wanted to play hers. However, I had no intention of engaging her in a game of wits. No, I intended to kill her in a humane way. I had already begun the first portion of my \u201coperation\u201d at 8 a.m.<\/p>\n
I tidied our master bedroom completely. The small guest room was filled with every article of clothing, photo frame, and remnant of Joe and myself. As if I were preparing a five-star hotel suite, I even located Jane\u2019s favorite flowered blanket in the back of the linen closet and put it across the bed.<\/p>\n
After finishing, I surveyed my work while standing at the doorway. Her cat photos were arranged on the dresser, the bedspread was immaculate, and I made a \u201cWelcome to Your New Home\u201d basket to round it off. Bath bombs, candles with a lavender smell, and expensive chocolates.<\/p>\n
I was already sitting in the small guest room, organizing our clothing in whatever available space, when Joe arrived home from work. His bewildered brow furrowed as he entered. \u201cWhat brings you inside?\u201d He took a quick look around the bend. \u201cWhere are our belongings?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I moved everything,\u201d I answered, turning to face him and grinning as sweetly as I could. \u201cDon\u2019t you believe your mom deserves the main bedroom? It\u2019s just. We don\u2019t need the space as much as she does.<\/p>\n
His eyes became wide with shock. \u201cYou gave our bedroom to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled and answered, \u201cOf course.\u201d After all, she is family. Here, we\u2019ll be all right.<\/p>\n
Joe stood there, taking in what I had done, his mouth hanging wide. What could he say, though? In theory, I wasn\u2019t doing anything wrong because Jane was his mother. With a sigh, he left the room without saying anything else.<\/p>\n
I made sure Jane was living like a king or queen for the next few days. Little nibbles on the nightstand, fresh towels every morning, and the lavender candles I knew she cherished.<\/p>\n
She smiled at me as though she had won and walked around the home as if she owned it. However, Joe was beginning to lose it while Jane was enjoying luxury. It was driving him crazy to share the guest room. In addition to the lack of room, his mother has developed a new fixation on preparing him for fatherhood.<\/p>\n
She would always give him a vitamin regimen in the morning.<\/p>\n
She would shove a multivitamin at him and say, \u201cYou need to take these, Joe.\u201d \u201cIf you want healthy children, it\u2019s important to prepare your body.\u201d<\/p>\n
To keep her quiet, Joe would take the pills and roll his eyes.<\/p>\n
But it didn\u2019t end there. Over dinner, she would inquire, \u201cIs it really appropriate for you to watch TV at night?\u201d That isn\u2019t quite baby-friendly. You ought to read literature about parenting. or working out. No more video games, too! Joe, you have to grow up. Being a father is a significant matter.<\/p>\n
On the fourth day, I discovered Joe sitting on the bed\u2019s edge, gazing over a pile of parenting books that his mother had placed an internet purchase for.<\/p>\n
As he held up a book called \u201cWhat To Expect When You\u2019re Expecting,\u201d he mumbled, \u201cI think I\u2019m losing it.\u201d \u201cShe anticipates that I will read this.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t resist grinning. \u201cWell, Joe,\u201d I responded, holding back a chuckle, \u201cdidn\u2019t you say we\u2019d be all right?\u201d<\/p>\n
It was unrelenting. Jane had escalated the situation. She gave Joe a well prepared list of items that were said to increase conception one evening. No more pizza or burgers, only grilled salmon, quinoa, and kale. She gave him a charming grin as though she were giving him the greatest favor in the world.<\/p>\n
She chirped, \u201cYour future children will appreciate it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Like it was a death sentence, Joe gazed over the list. \u201cWhat? No pizza? Ever?<\/p>\n
She patted his shoulder and whispered, \u201cThat\u2019s right, dear.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve prepared every meal for you this week. Eating a clean diet will make you feel so much better.<\/p>\n
We sat around the table that evening for dinner, eating bland kale and dry fish. Jane\u2019s gaze darted from Joe\u2019s plate to his face as she studied him intently. He picked at his dinner and shifted uneasily.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you take your vitamins this morning, Joe?\u201d she began.<\/p>\n
With a groan, he stabbed the kale with a fork. Yes, mother. I grabbed them.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow about the fitness center? Have you scheduled that time? You\u2019ve gained a little weight, you know. Being physically fit is crucial if you want to be a good father.<\/p>\n
I was unable to resist. In order to contain my laughter, I kicked him beneath the table. He gave me a look that was a mix of desperation and frustration. This was finally getting to him after days of it.<\/p>\n
Joe turned to me and rubbed his temples later that night after Jane had gone to bed. He spoke in a low, almost beseeching voice. \u201cTiana, I can\u2019t do this any longer. The baby talk, the vitamins, the guest room\u2026 I\u2019m losing my mind.<\/p>\n
I bit my lip to keep from grinning. \u201cYou have to admit it\u2019s kind of funny,\u201d I remarked, unable to contain my laughter.<\/p>\n
He squinted his eyes. \u201cIt\u2019s not amusing.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave a little chuckle. \u201cAll right, it\u2019s kind of funny.\u201d<\/p>\n
With a sigh, Joe fell into the bed. \u201cI made reservations for her at the hotel across the street. This cannot continue for another day.<\/p>\n
He revealed the news over breakfast the following morning.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom, while your house is being repaired, I have arranged for you to stay at a pleasant hotel close by. There, you\u2019ll feel far more at ease.<\/p>\n
She blinked, obviously taken aback. However, I\u2019m doing very fine here! In addition, shouldn\u2019t you two take the prospect of having grandchildren seriously?<\/p>\n
Joe tightened his jaw. \u201cWhen we\u2019re ready, Mom, we\u2019ll make that decision. The hotel is the best option for everyone right now.<\/p>\n
Jane merely stared at him for a time. Then she nodded grudgingly, recognizing she had nothing to stand on. \u201cWell, if you demand it.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was gone by the end of the day. Once more, the house was ours.<\/p>\n
Joe let out a big sigh of relief and fell onto the couch as the door clicked shut behind her. \u201cAt last.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled and sank down next to him. \u201cSo, dinner will be kale?\u201d<\/p>\n
He let out a moan. \u201cNever again.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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